Hour 20 (1-2 a.m.): Damn, Have I Been Yawning for Half a Year Almost?

Ho hum.

24 has been so disjointed and disappointing this season, I found myself wanting to dig out my old high school chemistry book out of the attic and read the index for entertainment. O, the inanity!


A few observations.

1. Was it me, or did Audrey’s “Help me, Jack” mantra remind anyone of R2D2’s Princess Leia hologram: “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope.”


Wish I had been watching THAT for the last five months. Geez.

2. Of course, Jack has to hog all the action (in spite of being conspicuously absent from the screen for much of this season). “I’m the only one who can help her! DAMMIT, PEOPLE! I’M THE ONLY WHO CAN SPEAK STORK! LET ME TRY!”


Here Jack tries to get Audrey to remember the last thing the evil Chinese guy did to her. She finally reveals the horror of what she was forced to do every morning for six months.


3. Good lord. Can't believe they used the “I’ve got a lover, but I had no clue he was actually a spy stealing classified information” trick again. Didn't they use that a few seasons back? Another spy, another night I could’ve watched reruns of Mama’s Family.


4. In spite of the superfluous subplot involving Chloe and Morris, I did feel a little sad for Chloe when Morris said “Enough is enough.” Her tears came not from the pain of lost love...


...but from having turned down a chance to star in Delta Farce.


5. Dr. Bradley is NOT someone I want to consult for anything remotely medical or psychological. I get the idea his first plan of action is always to pull out the CTU "Information Extractor."


Not good.

6. Isn't it sad that I found myself pulling for Doyle somewhat because THERE WAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO?! And good grief, Marisol Nichols, the actress playing Nadia, is not only having a meltdown in character, but as an actress as well!


She’s just not very good. By the way, I just read that shes' a Scientologist.


No wonder she can't act: all the creativity's being sucked out of her wallet. I suspect Nadia will die in a vicious shootout when CTU discovers its own cleaning staff has been swabbing all the computer keyboards with...RAW CHICKEN!


7. The whole sequence with Jack spiriting Audrey away into the bowels of CTU...


...just in time to make a psychological breakthrough while Nadia finally comes into her own as a leader of CTU was just a bunch of silly hogwash.


Speaking of bowels, did everyone in Fox's writers’ room come down with the flu or something?! The writing has suffered for quite some time now.


8. Really the only highlight of the episode was Veep “Noah’s Arch” Daniels giving Lisa Miller her just desserts.


Now THAT was pretty yummy. Lisa Miller will look good in orange, won’t she?


9. Nice to see James “The Trout” Heller back at CTU.


What he said to Jack was some mighty strong words, but oh, so true! “Jack, everything you touch ends up dead...


...Your other brother may be alive right now...


...but for how long?!”


Next week:

President Palmer wakes up from his second coma in less than 24 hours just in time to reprimand his assistant for losing his makeup bag.


Maniacally cunning Phillip Bauer...


...returns to town to take some pigs to market...


...and have a final showdown with his son...


(seen here making sure Milo doesn't snag the last Diet Coke out of the CTU fridge)

...while the CTU company nurse shows up at precisely the wrong time to give employees their annual physical.