Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Hour 19 (12-1 a.m.): Was It Me, Or Did I Just Go Into Macy's and Buy a Digital Toaster from Bill Buchanan?

Is that a look of disbelief on your face, or are you just watching another episode of 24?

Actually, not a horrendous episode in a season chock full of weird, spotty, ludicrous episodes. And still, I’d have to argue that compared to a lot of the crap on TV, 24 isn’t the worst thing out there. This is:

A few observations.

1. Love the way Doyle “acquired” another vehicle.

I tried that this week and spent the night in the slammer.

2. Love the way Buchanan referred to Jack’s antics as “going rogue.”

I tried to "go rogue" this week and spent the night in the slammer.

3. Love the way Chloe could have sung “torn between two agents, feelin’ like a fool!” but didn't.

I tried to sing that song at the top of my lungs in my cubicle this week...

...and spent an hour in my boss’s office.

He told me in no uncertain terms it made him sad and angry at the same time.

4. Hate the way Noah Daniels is PURE EVIL!

Note: I don't think Satan's a lesbian, nor are lesbians satanic, but isn't this cover the best?!

And Tom Lennox, whom I formerly was warming up to, now seems iffy enough that I’ve labeled him Satan’s impish brown-noser.

Tried calling someone at work that, and spent the night knocked unconscious behind my car in the company parking lot.

5. Hate the way Noah Daniels, nearing 80, is boinking Lisa Miller, clearly just out of junior college. It’s worse than a May-December romance. It’s more like a January Five Years Ago-January 2018 romance.

Talk about “executive privilege.” Cringe-a-palooza! And no, I’m not gonna make an “I tried that” joke here because I don’t want to spend the night knocked unconscious on the floor of my living room.

6. Loved the way Cheng agreed to meet Jack in an abandoned motel. How many abandoned buildings are in L.A.?!

Someone needs to revitalize the neighborhood. I tried staying at an abandoned motel once, and ended up with someone lurking outside my shower.

Not good!

7. Hate the way Bill Buchanan got the pink slip…FROM HIS OWN WIFE! That’s gotta hurt. Hope he can find work, poor guy.

Tried working as a Wal-Mart greeter once and ended up unconscious behind my car in the employee parking lot.

Not sure why, unless that chicken salad in the breakroom had something to do with it.

No one had claimed it; I merely applied the five-minute rule for food on the floor and went for it. Or is that the five-SECOND rule? Anyway, I woke up 17 hours later.

8. Love the way Chloe spoke Chloese and hurt Morris’ feelings so bad, he asked to get transferred.

I tried getting transferred last week and spent an hour in my boss’s office.

He told me in no uncertain terms it made him sad and angry at the same time.

9. Love the way Silver Spoons EFFED UP EVERYTHING! What a moron.

If he had been wearing the suit, those drivers wouldn't have been so scared.

Things might've turned out better if his sidekick Alfonso Ribeiro had been there to create some sort of dancing diversion.

I tried dancing like Michael Jackson once.

Pulled a groin muscle...

...and my prom date left with her Chemistry lab partner.

10. Love the way Audrey Raines...

...has apparently been brainwashed by the Chinese government to incessantly play the Helen Keller role from Miracle Worker.

Gimme a break! Obviously she's let the role go to her head. During my community theater days in Lubbock, Texas, I tried to snag a minor part in Miracle Worker; they let me go because I kept trying to "enrich" the role by inserting tunes from Yentl.

Turns out Helen Keller's not Jewish. They said she couldn't "eat with a fork," not "eat any pork."

11. Speaking of pork, love the way the pig...

...and the Redfro keep ending up in my blog.

The season’s been so weird, what else is there to talk about?!

Next week:

This guy comes back for a rather tense father-and-son talk with Jack.

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