Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Finale, Hours 23-24 (4-6 a.m.): Jack Contemplates His Future…AS A VAMPIRE!


Well, I have to say that even when Kim Bauer’s boyfriends were losing limbs (left and right, yuk yuk)...


...like they were extras in Braveheart...


...and Jack was “chasing the dragon” in a Mexican drug cartel...


...nothing compares to the scattered, inconsistent, schizophrenic writing this season.


Thank God the most anticlimactic 24 season ever is over!


Some observations:

1. In spite of being dressed for his new job...


...Bill Buchanan decides to “go rogue” to help Jack. Anything beats delivering pizzas for $5.75 an hour.

2. Doyle runs like an old lady.


3. Phillip's instructions to Silver Spoons: 1) Turn off the satellite; 2) Get rid of that chopper; 3) Bring me a hot dog!


I LOVE HOT DOGS!


4. Did we really need another example of Rena Sofer’s fine acting?


(seen here in another one of her "masterpieces")

Her impersonation of a Lunatic Member of the PTA was really too much.


I now wish they would’ve put HER down instead of Redfro.


5. Stuart Pressman? What the…?! Why introduce a new character in the finale?! Simply to let us know that yes, Milo was in love with Nadia? STUPID! I don't even have a picture of the actor who played Stuart, so I'll use this instead.


6. Fresh out of amputation scenes, what do the 24 writers do? THEY BLIND SOMEONE! Ridiculous!


If Silver Spoons comes back, he’ll get to wear an eye patch. That’s really gonna boost the ratings next season.


7. And yes, Chloe’s pregnant. I just figured she just passed out because the script stunk like a dead possum on a country road.


8. I wish Jack had asked the newly blinded Doyle, “Mike, how many fingers am I holding up? No, really!”


9. What?! No intensely violent, blood-curdling Stars Wars-ish confrontation between father and son?!


After slogging through a season full of bad acting, inconsistent writing, and rehashed plot devices, diehard fans were salivating for the payoff—a deadly standoff with Phillip Bauer getting brutally blown away by his own son! For Jack simply to leave his evil father behind to perish quietly in the F-18 attack was THE most disappointing scene of the entire season. I suppose that was to allow the producers to bring Phillip back.


BAD WRITERS! BAD WRITERS!


10. Well, Bill and Karen can now retire in peace...


...and eat dinner wherever and whenever they want! I would guess around 4:00 in the afternoon.


11. Did anyone notice Cheng's dead-on impersonation?


12. I swear, that final soporific scene with Heller...


...and Crazy Stork...


...was hardly bearable, ending with Jack staring out from the balcony contemplating what lies ahead. I caught a few Z’s during that scene.


Hmm. Wait a minute...Where have I caught that scene before? The one of Jack contemplating his future, about to head out into the unknown? Oh, yeah! 24: Day Four! BOO!


Well, with Doyle forced to wear an eye patch...


...here’s what’s gonna happen next season:

CTU, in an attempt to punish Morris' fumbling and Jack and Doyle's blatant disregard for federal counter-terrorism guidelines, relegates them to desk jobs in Kingston, Jamaica...


...where illegal music downloading runs rampant!


Day 7: Piracy in the Caribbean!




(Hmm. Jack and Morris don't look so good...)

Will Wayne Palmer finally come out...


...of his coma?

Will Charles Logan come out of that ambulance?


Will Martha Logan come out of her drug-addled haze?


Will Evil Pig Farmer come out alive from the F-18 attack and return to antagonize Jack once more?


Does anyone care?


Well, so ends another wacky season with Jack Bauer.


Until next season, spend some time reflecting on the beauty and solitude that make summer so peaceful and relaxing.

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