Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Hour 15 (8-9 p.m.): This Week on An Agent’s Deepest Desire, Two Federal Agents Get All Slobbery and Then Plan to Boink Later

...Or were we watching a government-funded version of this...


...minus the couch-jumpin’ freak, of course.


Very good scene with Brady. Thank God he didn't freak out, as idiot savants in the movies are wont to do.


A few observations:

1. Doyle’s bad, but is he evil?


Yes, I think so. All those crying jags as a kid...


...and those dark years on Silver Spoons...


...probably turned him into one bad seed.


He’ll probably bite it somewhere down the line.


2. I really like Karen Hayes, but her bedside manner has a lot to be desired: “Uhh, Sandra, I’m sorry for all that hullabaloo a couple years ago, what with your big brother getting that nasty bullet to the head right after he became known as the BEST PRESIDENT EVER!


...and your Muslim boyfriend getting thrown into an interment camp...


...and now your other big brother who happens to be the CURRENT President of the United States lies there knocked out by an assassin's bomb...


...while the evil crazy Vice President...


...has a pissing contest...


...with an innocent Middle Eastern country (albeit unnamed because Fox TV can’t afford the fallout of having Fayed hail from any of these countries)...


...in spite of all you’re going through...d’ya think you could give us permission to wake up Wayne...


(seen here on a recent White House Casual Friday)
...possibly sending him into cardiac arrest...


...but maybe waking him just long enough to prevent World War III?


Hmm? Whatcha think ‘bout that? Whaddya think Wayne would do if he were awake right now?


What Would Wayne Do?! WWWD?! Get it? Dontcha think he'd be watching over us, just like in the above picture? Choosing his beloved country over everything else?! No pressure. Life as we know it only hangs in the balance. Take your time. Want some coffee?”


Geez, Karen, LAY OFF!

3. Meanwhile, back at Raymond’s house, I mean, Brady’s house, Jack talks to Dustin Hoffman:


“Brady, I ‘m going to ‘talk’ to your brother Mark,” which translates to “I’m going to poke him in his wound with a pencil until he screams to the point of exhausted delirium.”



4. Meanwhile, back at Ass-a-Palooza, I mean, CTU...


...Doyle continues to be an ass.


And of course, Buchanan convinces Nadia to keep working. What’s with all these wronged employees setting aside their differences for the greater good? WHEN, ON GOD’S GREEN EARTH, IS SOMEONE GONNA SUE CTU’S A$$ INTO OBLIVION?!!! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME?! Sort of makes me wanna pull my hair out.


5. Of course, we had to watch Milo and Nadia make out...

(get a room already!)

...as if the producers wanted to say, “See, folks, different cultures CAN get along and even end up boinking, if you just give love a chance!” (YAWN) Stop wasting our time with the silly romantic back story!

6. Loved it when Jack said, “Prep Gredenko for interrogation.” We all know that was Jackspeak for “Moisturize his fingernails with alcohol and cayenne pepper for proper bamboo shoot insertion.”


Hmm. Not as dangerous-looking as I imagined. Guess it's all in the technique.

7. What a shocker! Wayne Palmer flatlines for oh, say, about 2 minutes before waking up a little groggy, but basically refreshed.


He’s been drinking Jack Juice, apparently.


WAYNE PALMER CAME OUT OF HIS CHEMICALLY INDUCED COMA JUST IN TIME TO SAVE THE WORLD! WOO HOO! Why in the heck didn’t he force Noah "Nuke 'em Two by Two" Daniels to tender his resignation?


Or do something just as honorable, like swallow arsenic...


...or commit hari-kari...


...or manage a fast-food place?


...or move to New Zealand with this guy...


...or be forced to cut his hair like this...


Next week:

Milo and Nadia make out some more...


...while in another over-the-top decision, Fox casts this person as the Attorney General:


Dammit, Simmons, get off your tiptoes, stop dancin', turn off that loud oldies crap, shed those gawl-durn short shorts, and DEEM WAYNE PALMER INCOMPETENT!

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