Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Hour 7 (12-1 p.m.): My Brother Sent Me to a Shallow Grave and All I Got Him Was This Interrogation Kit

Well, well, well. The Bauers’ psychotic home life continues to spiral ever downward.

Some observations.

1. Speaking of pigs, now that Charles Logan is out of the picture, Tom Lennox is the new pig-ba$tard in town. What a very large piece of crud.

2. Have you noticed that California always has conveniently placed run-down factories for bad guys to take their hostages a-plenty to for quick disposal? How come, when it’s time to off their captives and/or dump them in a shallow grave and/or ditch, they never go to the mall or the pet store or a Senior Citizens’ Center?

Darkness and solitude cover a multitude of sins, I suppose.

3. As Jack and his dad, Phillip, headed back to Graem’s house for some tasty “I scream,” Phillip said, “Jack, you deserved a better family.” No, Mr. Pig Farmer, Jack deserves a better JOB, like at MCDONALD’S or HOME DEPOT or the local STATE PARK!

One that allows him to GO HOME in a RELAXED MANNER at night and enjoy root beer and PORK RINDS!

4. What a party-pooper Jack is. “Hi, everyone! UNCLE JACK’S HERE! Uhh, no thanks, Marilyn, I’ll skip the bourbon and pigs-in-blankets and get straight to the horrific torture. Got any exposed wiring? Thanks!”

Though Marilyn knows what Graem is capable of, she’s bent on protecting Josh. Does Josh know something? Something’s fishy there.

5. Did anyone notice that the interrogation "KIT" eventually became the interrogation "PACKAGE"? I kept waiting for the DELUXE interrogation SYSTEM, complete with ADULT DIAPERS and self-cleaning VACUUM for BLOOD and other BODILY FLUIDS discharged during EXTREME QUESTIONING! Good lord. Those Bauers. Gotta love ‘em!

6. Speaking of extreme questioning, during Graem’s questioning/torture, there was a rolling of eyes and a long sigh at our house, followed by “Good grief, what’s he screaming for?! It’s not like it’s childbirth or anything.”

7. When Graem admitted to masterminding the assassinations of David Palmer, Michelle Dessler, and Tony Almeida, saying he did it “because I love my country (weep, weep, slobber, drool, sweat),” I thought, “Yeah, right." Doesn’t it just warm the cockles of your heart? It’s not like we haven’t heard the lovely hollow ring of political rhetoric before.

8. Concerning that last scene with Phillip and Graem: WHOA. DOUBLE WHOA!

That pig farmer is EVIL!

I guess that’s what Graem gets for being inherently evil, having a strangely spelled name, and wearin’ that gawl-durn red afro.

9. At our house, we were VERY disappointed that it was Morris’ image that materialized, and not this guy’s.

He just looks so FRIENDLY...and...lilac.

Next week:

Morris get violently coerced to program the triggers on this:

…while Veep Noah Daniels gets busy preparing this for the entire Cabinet:


1 comment:

Red Hot Mama said...

Thanks for the heads up on your return. I had actually already found you and have been passing your episode commentaries around my friends and family.

You rock. Keep up the hilarious work.