Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Hour 11 (4-5 p.m.): Despite His Manly, Saddam-like Beard, Charles Logan Is Still Not a Man.

Well, well, well. The Ruskies are going to muddy the water...

...and stand by while the U.S. and the Arabs tear each other apart like cats and dogs.

A few observations:

1. Though ex-Prez Logan sports a manly beard, making him look like Saddam...

(here he is with his new humidor)

...he still needs a magnifying glass to find his miniscule testicles.

And what’s with his decision to “reconnect to his faith"? What the…?!

GIMME A BREAK! What a bunch of HOOEY!

You gotta know something's up if Satan puts his own butt in church.

NOT TO BE TRUSTED! Jack should punch him just to feel better.

I noticed Logan's picture of his wife, Martha. Wonder what she's up to?

Hmm. Aaron Pierce and Martha Logan don't look bad. Must be the Jazzercize.

2. Is it me or is Rena Softer (Marilyn) a REALLY BAD ACTRESS?!

Geez. Graem don't look so good.

How much you wanna bet Josh is Jack’s child? After all, Jack and Marilyn have a romantic past, alcohol-driven though it was.

I mean, where else did Josh get that blond, straight hair?

Isn’t it obvious that only one Bauer boy could be Josh’s dad? And it’s not this one.

Or this one, even though he does, in fact, have blond hair.

3. I now have to reassess my opinion of Tom Lennox. Yes, he may be a little cockroach...

...but still not nasty enough to kill a sitting president.

Mr. Hilary Swank, on the other hand...

...is a lowdown rat worthy of nothing but the worst type of death.

And that goes for his sidekick, Bruce Carson Daly.

Anyone named Bruce cannot be good.

4. Not liking Apologetic Morris. It’s getting very old. The producers are trying to distract us with a silly backstory that’s just not interesting. Chloe just needs to go slap him around and straighten him out, especially while he’s IN THE BATHROOM!

How embarrassing that was!

5. Now that EVIL REED THE RAT...

...has detonated the bomb, I expect Assad is dead and Wayne Palmer is unconscious or worse, gone WAY undercover again.

People will assume it’s all part of some Middle Eastern scheme. Noah Daniels will come to power...

...and everyone who ever went against Wayne Palmer will now be elevated to a cabinet position.

Anyone identified as a lefty or anyone who even slightly looks Middle Eastern, including Indians...

...Native Americans...

...Costa Ricans...


...or tanned Hollywood B-actors...

...will all be put in rural Arkansas interment camps in the middle of the summer.

They'll probably call it "Camp Freedom," or "Unity, USA" or something like that. The country is doomed.

6. Best line of the episode: "We're not cold-blooded murderers. We're trying to save the country." Where've we heard THAT before?

Next week:

Chicken fingers...

...Jack Bauer style.

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